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I really dont know what to do. Litteraly. My life is technically a living heck. Some of the reasons why..

I miss my grandma who died of cancer When I was just a little girl.

I miss my cat who Left when I was little.

I miss my fish Sabrina who died of to Cold of Conditions.

I miss my Bunny Rabbit Thumper who died of Overdose.

I miss my Guini Pig who died of Cancer.

But yet my life seems to get worse As another one is dying of cancer.
It seems like everyday things get worse.
Including my family..

My father worked in the Airforce And got hurt. Now he has 2 Steel plates in his neck causing him pain.

My mother got hit in a car crash at 50 Mph. She might need back sugery.

It seems everytime I turn around my parents are fighting.
I HATE that.

I feel alone.
Sometimes I just want to give up.
Like theres nothing to live for anymore.
It hurts to think that way.
I know I have to face the truth in life.
The saying Big girls Dont cry.
I dont believe it.
Im a big girl.
I cry.
Alot.
I just want to sit on my bed and scream & Cry into my pillow.
I miss Abby.
I know how Madison feels in losing her dear Grandfather.
It hurts.
It really does.
When My grandmother died I just wanted to go with her.
Even though I was small.
They say things happen for a reason.
But it seems to me it always happens to me.
I cant even keep one animal alive for its lifetime.
Its not fair.
But then again life isnt fair.
I really just wish Everything was as easy as it was.
Yes I admit it,
Im afraid of Lightning.
Im not embarassed.
Its who I am.
Im scared of alot of things.
And I know I need to let go.
Alot of things I regret doing.
I Just feel alone.
Like no one understands me.
Or how I feel.
I wish theres someone who,
Understands me who,
Gets me who,
Knows what I mean who,
Care what im saying.
I dont know anymore.
I do sometimes just want to let go.
Get away from it all and never come back.
It hurts to say that but sometimes its the truth.
Yes alot of the time im afraid of the truth and I never want to open up.
But when I save All that inside.
I just cant hold it in any longer.
Well right now im opening up.
Like I said im afraid of things.
I have nightmares.
Im a human Being.
Theres nothing wrong with being afraid of things.
Im not embarassed to say I dont like thunder storms.
I dont like Being up in the mountians.
It makes me quesy.
So?
Thats who I am
And I like me for me.
I just dont get it anymore.
I just.
Need someone.
It feels like No one wants to be around me.
I think im alot of things that people dont like.
Sometimes I smile when Im sad.
When people see me they think Oh what a happy little girl.
Im not happy.
Im not joyful.
When I burst into tears and my parents ask whats wrong.
I cant tell them the truth.
It just hurts to much.
I may laugh, But really its eating me alive.
I just want someone I can look in their eyes and have them know Exactly what im feeling.